20 something 

My 20’s … half way through, have been a semi controlled free fall, somewhere between being completely assured of who I am and where I’m headed to being utterly lost and genuinely defeated. These are the best years of our lives as well as some of most challenging years (a solid decade of trial and error). Losing your “forever friends” that you made when you were 18 & 19 for no other reason than than you have both just grown into different people. It’s just a big wtf. I’ve been thinking lately that the 20’s are meant to be our “fun years” and it has only recently occurred to me that I’ve spent more time lost in who I thought I should be and where I should be going, rather than enjoying who I am & the journey I’ve taken thus far.  Im over it. There is no foul proof list that directs you to an ideal life, but since I have a little over 4 years left in my 20’s, I’ve compiled a list on how I will make it through these years a little more gracefully and with a little more direction. 

Care a little more, care a little less 

I’m caring more about the things I want! Like really want! Not what everyone else tells me I should want! Duh! I want a sense of direction, a little stability never hurt anyone, BUT it can’t just be that. I don’t want direction and stability at the cost of my identity and passions, I don’t want to work everyday doing something I hate, just so people can say Wow Astra, you really have it together. I need to care less about what people are thinking and care more about what I want… whatever that is (like I said earlier, I’m in my mid 20’s what I actually want… still a little foggy lol) 

Save, Save, Save 

I’m saving all my pictures, keeping a journal to remember it all and hopefully look back and say it was a great time! And of course Money, saving as much as Sally Mae will let me keep, because while I’m finding who I truly am and where I truly want to go, a little savings  (for me and my littles) is the difference between sanity and a full mental breakdown. Doing myself a favor, and by financing my dreams and the dreams of my children, perhaps then a sense of direction will be more clear. 

Love

While it would be nice to have a life just full of love, & I feel fortunate to have always felt wrapped in love throughout the course of my 20’s and of course after kids, my life has a consistent outpouring of love. But I’m not talking about that kind of love. I’m talking about Self Love. It’s so valuable and completely under utilized, and it’s so essential in reaching your full potential. Self love in your 20’s seems as difficult as summitting Everest, or at least it was for me, there’s ALWAYS something that could be better, thinner, more defined. 

26 is right around the corner and my 20’s thus far have been this amazing, trial filled, soul searching adventure. It’s been hard, no one tells you it’s going to be SO hard, and emotionally, just exhausting. What I don’t think I’ve ever admitted was that It was so necessary for me to go through all the confusion and chaos, because I’m so much better for it. I’m not going to be 20 something forever, and I honest look forward to it. But our 20’s are fleeting and they are so chaotic they zip right by before you can appreciate they even happened. I’ve decided to love it while I still have it.

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